Gay Hardman is actually pretty funny

(The scene fades into a shot of Ray Harlan and his uncle Phil, both of whom are standing in front of a Red and White RWD backdrop. Ray is wearing a black RWD promotional T-shirt, which has the RWD logo on the chest, and on the back a list of the upcoming RWD events, their dates and locations, blue carpenter jeans, and beige Timberland boots. Uncle Phil is standing to Ray's left, and Phil is wearing a ratty white t-shirt with pizza and beer stains adoring the chest, gray sweatpants, and white socks. Both are staring at the camera with smiles on their faces, but Ray breaks his stare to look directly at Uncle Phil)

Ray Harlan: "Welp Uncle Phil, can yah believe it? We're just a few hours away from the start of a new year!"

Uncle Phil: "No Ray Ray, I simply can't! 2015! Man, I'd thought I'd be dead by now!"

Ray Harlan: "Me too! Uh, I mean, yeah, I thought you'd be dead too. Anyways, with the new year, comes the obvious New Years Resolutions! What are yer New Years Resolutions?"

Uncle Phil: "Well, uh, I gots a few Ray! First off, I finally wanna get my hands on that brand spankin' new triple wide trailer that I've always had my eyes on!"

Ray Harlan: "Really? Sweet! That means you can stop livin' with me and Momma!"

Uncle Phil: "Well, first I'd need to get some money fer that triple wide first! Are they hirin' at that Toys R Us you work at Ray?"

Ray Harlan: "No can do Uncle Phil, my supervisor is still real pissed when you crashed into his car in the parkin' lot with yer van!"

Uncle Phil: "Ah horsecrap, gimme a break! I was drunk, ain't my fault. Blame it on the moonshine!"

Ray Harlan: "Okay then, let's get back on track Uncle Phil. What are yer other Resolutions?"

Uncle Phil: "Well, secondly, I'd like to make it through the year without gettin' arrested."

Ray Harlan: "Easier said than done when it comes to you. Momma's gettin' real annoyed havin' to bail you out everytime."

Uncle Phil: "I don't understand why it's illegal to piss on trees. Their god damn trees fer Christ's sake, they don't mind it!"

Ray Harlan: "How would you know, do you speak tree? Have you had conversations with the trees, have they told you that they like it when a sixty year old man, drunk off his ass from vodka an' whiskey, pisses on them at one o'clock in the mornin'?"

Uncle Phil: "Gimme a break Ray, if 'em trees didn't like it they could always walk out of the way!"

Ray Harlan: "Trees can't walk Uncle Phil."

Uncle Phil: "Yes they can! Have you even SEEN Lord of the Rings!?"

Ray Harlan: "Okay, besides trailers an' pissin' on trees, what are yer other resolutions?"

Uncle Phil: "Eh, jus' got one more resolution. The last one is fer me to finally get a job!"

Ray Harlan: "Great aspirations Uncle Phil! Remember, baby steps."

(Ray turns to the camera.)

Ray Harlan: "Now, I got a few Resolutions myself. Don't worry, they ain't anything like my Uncle's!"

Uncle Phil: "Hey, what you got against me and my dreams!?"

Ray Harlan: "Now, my first resolution is quite simple! It's fer me to become the conqueror of the contest of conquest, and become the first ever RWD World Champion!"

Uncle Phil: "Atta boy! Reach fer the damn stars!"

Ray Harlan: "Now, at first, that might sound impossible. Yer probably sayin' to yerself, 'But Ray, there's no way you can become World Champion, Frank Cocheese is the leader of the contest, an' he has three times as many points as you do!" Well y'know what? Y'know what I have to say to that?"

(Ray looks over at his uncle, and then looks back at the camera.)

Ray Harlan: "Damn. That's a lot of points. I dunno how I'm gonna do it..."

(Ray and Phil then look at each other again, afterwards they both belt out a roarous laughter.)

Ray Harlan: "Oh wait! I know how I'll do it! I'm facin' that guy next year on Monday Night Combat!"

Uncle Phil: "Next year? Won't they already have settled this contest and have a champion by that point?"

Ray Harlan: "No Uncle Phil, by next year I mean Janurary fifth. Y'know, it'll be in 2015. Next year. Is any part of this joke registering with you?"

Uncle Phil: "I don't get it."

(Ray lets out a frustrated sigh. He really thought that was a funny joke, but it wasn't funny enough for Uncle Phil to understand it.)

Ray Harlan: "Anyways, with a New Year, comes new resolutions, comes new people, comes new dreams, and comes new outcomes! Frankie, you may be a certified G, but let it be known, that Ray Harlan is a certified OG! Yeah, that's right, you surprised? Surprised that this momma's boy is straight up gangsta from the ghetto of Omaha, Nebraska? Well ya shouldn't! Have you ever been to Omaha? Thugs, Gangsters, Hoodrats at every street corner, tryin' to hustle their way straight to the top! And me, me, I'm the thuggest gangsta hoodrat of them all! You heard about that Sony PlayStation server crash? That was me homie!"

Uncle Phil: "WHAT!? That was you Ray!?"

Ray Harlan: "Damn right homie, nothin' can stop me!"

Uncle Phil: "SO IT WAS BECAUSE OF ME THAT I COULDN'T LOOK AT PORN ON MY PS4!?"

Ray Harlan: "Wait, you don't have a PS4..."

Uncle Phil: "Yes I do! I use the one in the basement!"

Ray Harlan: "That's my PS4!!! You're the one downloadin' all that porn on my PlayStation!? Momma grounded me for a whole month when she found out!"

Uncle Phil: "Why were you lookin' at porn on yer PlayStation!?"

Ray Harlan: "Shut up shut up shut up! We'll talk about this later! I have more pressin' matters at hand, like beatin' Frankie Cocheese monday night at Diamond Ballroom in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma! Frankie, you may be the best in the RWD, you may be in the lead in the Contest of Conquest, but you won't be for very long! You've got a two hundred and seventy three pound momma's boy hoodrat in yer rearview mirror, and sooner rather than later, this momma's boy is gonna beat you in the middle of the ring, fair and square gangsta!"

FADE TO BLACK