Post by wwjbcd on Nov 28, 2014 1:34:26 GMT
“You know, Eleanor Roosevelt once said, ‘Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.’”
Our scene opens up a short while later. Now, we’re out behind the Marriott near some dumpsters. Only The #1 Hit-Maker Johnny Bonecrusher is in view. Ah, yes, that wildest of cards Johnny Bonecrusher, the man who many ask “Will he or won’t he, should he or shouldn’t he, can he or can’t he?” But no matter how you analyze the situation, there’s simply no reading the Book of Johnny!
Johnny smirks, “But that’s what SHE thinks! SHE never crossed paths with one of the greatest minds of this wrestling generation, SHE never got to have a one-on-one sit-down with the last honest man in this sport! Had she done so, ladies and gentlemen, she’s have KNOWN that Yours Truly discusses whatEVER he damn well pleases! Ideas, events, people, trees, the weather, silly putty, archaeology, fishing techniques, you NAME it, I’ll DISCUSS it!”
He chuckles before moving up closer to one of those smelly bug blue bins. His grin turns to a scowl when he catches a whiff of its contents.
“There’s a metric SHIT-ton of information I could drop on you people, but for now, let’s stick to ideas, events and people!
Ideas: Gather some of the ragtag-iest, rough-and-tumble-est, insane in the membrane SUPERpowers of professional wrestling under ONE banner, under ONE umbrella term: The FOLD. A motley crew of completely deranged individuals so dangerous that only The Johnny could contain those volatile atoms, releasing them only when I felt like it!
To this end: enter “Perfectly Sane” Maxwell Schneider, who had legitimately been dogging me to post his videos onto MY personal Twitter account, citing his lack of desire to join Twitter. Sometimes, sometimes, man, I gotta agree… But! As a tool for growth and promotion, NOTHING beats it. NOTHING.
I’ve kept my eyes on practically EVERYONE in the RWD, and ESPECIALLY as of late, and this man, this Portlandian miracle, I’ve seen him fuckin’ ROCKET through the competition, quickly rising to the top of the territory. But then, his stock took a nasty tumble when he tussled with one Frankie Cocheese, who I have the displeasure of knowing from back in ‘the ol’ MSW days’.
That loss caused his momentum to come to a grinding halt; NOW, there were THREE top-ranked guys, not just one like before. That all changes once AGAIN… when MY MAN Schneider reapplies some humility on one Devin KONSTANTINE, and avenges himself against one Frankie Cocheese.
My ideas, man, they’re top-notch, they’re so big, NO ONE else’s can compare! I mean, did ANYONE think I’d now be managing not one, not two, but THREE superstar calibre athletes? Did ANYONE… for a SECOND… think that Maxwell Schneider would have agreed to enter The Fold and allow me to take the reins on his career? He’s NEVER had a manager, unless you count his, uh, WIFE, was it? Navette Rouge? But the communication barrier meant SHE couldn’t understand him, or rather, couldn’t retort back in any way he could understand, not that that stopped him from coming to his OWN conclusions.
So here we are, and here I am. And soon, we’ll be at the A-S-K Associates Warehouse RIGHT HERE, in Kansas City, Missouri.”
There’s no audience, so no one knows why he bothered to go for the cheap pop.
“And it’s the Revolutionary Wrestling Division’s first-EVER supershow, From the Ashes. You all know this shit already!! And BOY, does The Johnny have his plate full this Sunday! From leading ‘The Canadian Icon’ Kruzer to a major victory against Princess Asshole, to being ringside for the main event alongside ‘The Living Dead Girl’ Jezzabel as we take notes and witness first-hand the end of a war.
But right now, RIGHT now, we’re gonna focus on THIS match: KONSTANTINE. Cocheese. Schneider. Each man with something to prove. Each. MAN. ready, willing and able to put their bodies and minds and yes, even SOULS on the line for a shot at greatness. For a shot at being the undisPUTED #1 star in the territory!
And if you wanna talk about #1 stars, who BETTER to lead the charge and blow the horn than Yours Truly?”
And sure enough, Johnny raises an arm equipped with a ram’s horn or something, blows on it, which emits a booming sound… and summons the man in question himself!
Schneider EXPLODES out of the garbage bin, roaring like a pirate about to board the enemy’s ship! He nimbly leaps out of it and SLAMS the bin shut again, before joining his new manager, placing an arm around his shoulder.
“Take a good look, lads, take a REAL good look: the man beside me is THE face of the RWD, like it or DON’T! The RWD’s own Power Couple are quickly catching up, it’s true, but- HEY! Don’t try to cause dissention amongst the ranks so early on in the GAME!
Schneider’s got the skills to RULE the RWD! Pure. POWER. Fearless. Has a loving relationship with pain and blood. What’s not to like? Hence why the fans work themselves up when they know Schneider’s in town! KONSTANTINE may have the cockiness and the tactics, and this was something lacking in Schneider’s repertoire before, but, HELLO!
The Johnny knows what you’re gonna say before ya say it, though: your little plan to secure all the weapons is SEVERELY lacking, junior! ALL the weapons? NO, there’s NEVER enough weapons to necessitate the phrase ‘ALL the weapons’! Maybe Schneider’ll bring the kitchen sink, maybe he won’t!”
Schneider looks concerned at Johnny.
“Okay, all right, he WILL bring the kitchen sink, but you neglected to ask WHAT will be in that sink? Thumbtacks and broken glass? Hydrochloric acid? You just never know! Maybe he’ll bring a weedwacker, you know, to whack the WEEDS?
YOU’RE the weeds. APT! APT. Or, or maybe he’ll bring some barbedwire to share, would you boys LIKE that? Maybe a, a FLAMETHROWER to heat up what’ll prove to be one COLD-ass Sunday night? Think BIG, KONSTANTINE, think big.”
All this while, Schneider went rummaging through the once-again opened garbage bin. When he found what he was looking for, he exhaled in a loudly satisfied way: a CHAINSAW!!! He tried to rev it up several times throughout Johnny’s diatribe, and finally gets it going the second Johnny stopped talking.
Schneider storms around the area, stopping in front of some old pallets, which he promptly turns to splinters, as Johnny points over at his man, giving a look as if to say “See?”
“Hmm? Ah? Maybe, gents! Maybe. But then again… maybe NOT! Why show you our BEST cards when we have so many BETTER ones up our sleeves? Nah, we- oh! I completely forgot about Frankie Cocheese, DIDN’T I?
Cocheese, thank your lucky STARS that you and your boy Tyson Pride never had the misfortune of crossing Yugo Phailous’ and my paths! Had it not been for them Kaiser Boys and their insidious tactics, The Bonecrushing Phailous would have STILL been running wild; what chance did you think you and Ty-Ty had when the very BEST the MSW had to offer couldn’t stop us?
But, ya know, maybe you SHOULDN’T thank ANYTHING, because no, you don’t got The Johnny to deal with now, you got WORSE: you got THAT man, THAT man who’s learned his lessons when it comes to handling you. I told him, no matter WHAT, ‘do what ya can to wipe his greasy ghetto low-brow dead-end dead-beat dumb-ass brain-dead stoner grin off his FUCK!!! FACE!!!”
Johnny yelling caught Schneider’s attention, who tosses the chainsaw down and slowly stalks his manager from behind. Johnny regains his composure.
“Fool him ONCE, Cocheese, shame on YOU. Fool him TWICE, shame on HIM! The time for fooling people is OVER. It’s time to get more serious than we’ve ALL ever been in a LOOOOONG time, boys. This is gonna be a MASSACRE! This is gonna be an EDUCATION! ‘Perfectly Sane’ Maxwell Schneider is the looooooord of discipline, and come Sunday, class will DEFINITELY be in session, and you two class clowns are gonna be stayin’ behind for extra CREDIT. TELL ‘em, Maxwell.”
Maxwell speeds up behind Johnny and shoves him aside, catching his manager off-guard for a moment. Johnny just shrugs it off and laughs as his man finally speaks up.
“HEY! Did I give you permission to chew gum in MYYYY classroom?! Take off that cap! Write on the board ten THOUSAND times, ‘I will NEVER mess with ol’ Maxie-poo AGAIN!’... in your own BLOOD! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA!!!”
Johnny nods in approval, chuckling all the while.
“KOOOOOONSTANTIIIIIINE, Frankie Coooooocheese, the time fer talkin’ is DONE! The time fer ACTION’s comin’ up on us, and the time fer BLEEDIN’ OUT,well, that’ll just be an experience YOU two’ll share!
Sunday night… SUUUUUUNDAY NIGHT… THREE men enter, one man leaves, THREE men enter, one man leaves, THREE men enter, one man leaves!!!”
Johnny joins the chant: truly, three men WILL enter, and, ideally only ONE man will leave, but even then, under their own power, or what? This match’s implications are multifold: simple victory, double the points, but most importantly, yes, even MORE important than getting a virtually unstoppable edge going into the RWD World Title scene… and that’s…
SURVIVE.
“Beat me if you can, survive if I let you.” - Taz
Our scene opens up a short while later. Now, we’re out behind the Marriott near some dumpsters. Only The #1 Hit-Maker Johnny Bonecrusher is in view. Ah, yes, that wildest of cards Johnny Bonecrusher, the man who many ask “Will he or won’t he, should he or shouldn’t he, can he or can’t he?” But no matter how you analyze the situation, there’s simply no reading the Book of Johnny!
Johnny smirks, “But that’s what SHE thinks! SHE never crossed paths with one of the greatest minds of this wrestling generation, SHE never got to have a one-on-one sit-down with the last honest man in this sport! Had she done so, ladies and gentlemen, she’s have KNOWN that Yours Truly discusses whatEVER he damn well pleases! Ideas, events, people, trees, the weather, silly putty, archaeology, fishing techniques, you NAME it, I’ll DISCUSS it!”
He chuckles before moving up closer to one of those smelly bug blue bins. His grin turns to a scowl when he catches a whiff of its contents.
“There’s a metric SHIT-ton of information I could drop on you people, but for now, let’s stick to ideas, events and people!
Ideas: Gather some of the ragtag-iest, rough-and-tumble-est, insane in the membrane SUPERpowers of professional wrestling under ONE banner, under ONE umbrella term: The FOLD. A motley crew of completely deranged individuals so dangerous that only The Johnny could contain those volatile atoms, releasing them only when I felt like it!
To this end: enter “Perfectly Sane” Maxwell Schneider, who had legitimately been dogging me to post his videos onto MY personal Twitter account, citing his lack of desire to join Twitter. Sometimes, sometimes, man, I gotta agree… But! As a tool for growth and promotion, NOTHING beats it. NOTHING.
I’ve kept my eyes on practically EVERYONE in the RWD, and ESPECIALLY as of late, and this man, this Portlandian miracle, I’ve seen him fuckin’ ROCKET through the competition, quickly rising to the top of the territory. But then, his stock took a nasty tumble when he tussled with one Frankie Cocheese, who I have the displeasure of knowing from back in ‘the ol’ MSW days’.
That loss caused his momentum to come to a grinding halt; NOW, there were THREE top-ranked guys, not just one like before. That all changes once AGAIN… when MY MAN Schneider reapplies some humility on one Devin KONSTANTINE, and avenges himself against one Frankie Cocheese.
My ideas, man, they’re top-notch, they’re so big, NO ONE else’s can compare! I mean, did ANYONE think I’d now be managing not one, not two, but THREE superstar calibre athletes? Did ANYONE… for a SECOND… think that Maxwell Schneider would have agreed to enter The Fold and allow me to take the reins on his career? He’s NEVER had a manager, unless you count his, uh, WIFE, was it? Navette Rouge? But the communication barrier meant SHE couldn’t understand him, or rather, couldn’t retort back in any way he could understand, not that that stopped him from coming to his OWN conclusions.
So here we are, and here I am. And soon, we’ll be at the A-S-K Associates Warehouse RIGHT HERE, in Kansas City, Missouri.”
There’s no audience, so no one knows why he bothered to go for the cheap pop.
“And it’s the Revolutionary Wrestling Division’s first-EVER supershow, From the Ashes. You all know this shit already!! And BOY, does The Johnny have his plate full this Sunday! From leading ‘The Canadian Icon’ Kruzer to a major victory against Princess Asshole, to being ringside for the main event alongside ‘The Living Dead Girl’ Jezzabel as we take notes and witness first-hand the end of a war.
But right now, RIGHT now, we’re gonna focus on THIS match: KONSTANTINE. Cocheese. Schneider. Each man with something to prove. Each. MAN. ready, willing and able to put their bodies and minds and yes, even SOULS on the line for a shot at greatness. For a shot at being the undisPUTED #1 star in the territory!
And if you wanna talk about #1 stars, who BETTER to lead the charge and blow the horn than Yours Truly?”
And sure enough, Johnny raises an arm equipped with a ram’s horn or something, blows on it, which emits a booming sound… and summons the man in question himself!
Schneider EXPLODES out of the garbage bin, roaring like a pirate about to board the enemy’s ship! He nimbly leaps out of it and SLAMS the bin shut again, before joining his new manager, placing an arm around his shoulder.
“Take a good look, lads, take a REAL good look: the man beside me is THE face of the RWD, like it or DON’T! The RWD’s own Power Couple are quickly catching up, it’s true, but- HEY! Don’t try to cause dissention amongst the ranks so early on in the GAME!
Schneider’s got the skills to RULE the RWD! Pure. POWER. Fearless. Has a loving relationship with pain and blood. What’s not to like? Hence why the fans work themselves up when they know Schneider’s in town! KONSTANTINE may have the cockiness and the tactics, and this was something lacking in Schneider’s repertoire before, but, HELLO!
The Johnny knows what you’re gonna say before ya say it, though: your little plan to secure all the weapons is SEVERELY lacking, junior! ALL the weapons? NO, there’s NEVER enough weapons to necessitate the phrase ‘ALL the weapons’! Maybe Schneider’ll bring the kitchen sink, maybe he won’t!”
Schneider looks concerned at Johnny.
“Okay, all right, he WILL bring the kitchen sink, but you neglected to ask WHAT will be in that sink? Thumbtacks and broken glass? Hydrochloric acid? You just never know! Maybe he’ll bring a weedwacker, you know, to whack the WEEDS?
YOU’RE the weeds. APT! APT. Or, or maybe he’ll bring some barbedwire to share, would you boys LIKE that? Maybe a, a FLAMETHROWER to heat up what’ll prove to be one COLD-ass Sunday night? Think BIG, KONSTANTINE, think big.”
All this while, Schneider went rummaging through the once-again opened garbage bin. When he found what he was looking for, he exhaled in a loudly satisfied way: a CHAINSAW!!! He tried to rev it up several times throughout Johnny’s diatribe, and finally gets it going the second Johnny stopped talking.
Schneider storms around the area, stopping in front of some old pallets, which he promptly turns to splinters, as Johnny points over at his man, giving a look as if to say “See?”
“Hmm? Ah? Maybe, gents! Maybe. But then again… maybe NOT! Why show you our BEST cards when we have so many BETTER ones up our sleeves? Nah, we- oh! I completely forgot about Frankie Cocheese, DIDN’T I?
Cocheese, thank your lucky STARS that you and your boy Tyson Pride never had the misfortune of crossing Yugo Phailous’ and my paths! Had it not been for them Kaiser Boys and their insidious tactics, The Bonecrushing Phailous would have STILL been running wild; what chance did you think you and Ty-Ty had when the very BEST the MSW had to offer couldn’t stop us?
But, ya know, maybe you SHOULDN’T thank ANYTHING, because no, you don’t got The Johnny to deal with now, you got WORSE: you got THAT man, THAT man who’s learned his lessons when it comes to handling you. I told him, no matter WHAT, ‘do what ya can to wipe his greasy ghetto low-brow dead-end dead-beat dumb-ass brain-dead stoner grin off his FUCK!!! FACE!!!”
Johnny yelling caught Schneider’s attention, who tosses the chainsaw down and slowly stalks his manager from behind. Johnny regains his composure.
“Fool him ONCE, Cocheese, shame on YOU. Fool him TWICE, shame on HIM! The time for fooling people is OVER. It’s time to get more serious than we’ve ALL ever been in a LOOOOONG time, boys. This is gonna be a MASSACRE! This is gonna be an EDUCATION! ‘Perfectly Sane’ Maxwell Schneider is the looooooord of discipline, and come Sunday, class will DEFINITELY be in session, and you two class clowns are gonna be stayin’ behind for extra CREDIT. TELL ‘em, Maxwell.”
Maxwell speeds up behind Johnny and shoves him aside, catching his manager off-guard for a moment. Johnny just shrugs it off and laughs as his man finally speaks up.
“HEY! Did I give you permission to chew gum in MYYYY classroom?! Take off that cap! Write on the board ten THOUSAND times, ‘I will NEVER mess with ol’ Maxie-poo AGAIN!’... in your own BLOOD! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA!!!”
Johnny nods in approval, chuckling all the while.
“KOOOOOONSTANTIIIIIINE, Frankie Coooooocheese, the time fer talkin’ is DONE! The time fer ACTION’s comin’ up on us, and the time fer BLEEDIN’ OUT,well, that’ll just be an experience YOU two’ll share!
Sunday night… SUUUUUUNDAY NIGHT… THREE men enter, one man leaves, THREE men enter, one man leaves, THREE men enter, one man leaves!!!”
Johnny joins the chant: truly, three men WILL enter, and, ideally only ONE man will leave, but even then, under their own power, or what? This match’s implications are multifold: simple victory, double the points, but most importantly, yes, even MORE important than getting a virtually unstoppable edge going into the RWD World Title scene… and that’s…
SURVIVE.
“Beat me if you can, survive if I let you.” - Taz
THE END.
so quickly so sad!
