wwjbcd
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Portlandius Madness Maximus
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Post by wwjbcd on Dec 2, 2014 19:07:42 GMT
Date: Sunday - December 14, 2014 Location: The Doubletree Hotel Little Rock in Little Rock, Arkansas (Seating capacity of 1,000 people) Commentary: Matthew Baily and West Newhaven
(Card Subject to Change) --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
- Tag Team Match - Maxwell Schneider and Jezzabel w/ Johnny Bonecrusher vs. Frankie Cocheese and Ryan Cavallari The #1 Hitmaker's new group was unsuccessful at From The Ashes, with Maxwell taking an unpinned loss against Frankie Cocheese and KONSTANTINE. However, one member did manage to make a very powerful statement when staring down our new RWD Women's Champion. Schneider and Jezzabel will be representing "The Fold," as they team up to take on the current leader in The Contest of Conquest and the return of Artemis Kaiser's trainer... Ryan Cavallari. Ryan made her debut to a loss against Shawna Martinez, but with her teaming with the undefeated Cocheese she'll be wanting to make her status known as "The Greatest Diva of All Time." A win here will put either team in a very good spot heading into The Road to Conquest.
Failure on an epic level. The Fold grew going into From the Ashes, but growth wasn't enough. One could dwell on these big-time losses, these seemingly unrecoverable disappointments, but one is NOT The #1 Hit-Maker Johnny Bonecrusher, because there IS only one ideas man, Renaissance Man, last honest man of professional wrestling, and he didn't get through 15 years in this business without evolving and growing. Even if he can't draw.
We're right to it today. RWD house show. A nondescript time after JBC and The Portland Madman invaded Phoenix, Arizona in order to further promote the working agreement between this promotion and Awesome Championship Entertainment. Was it REALLY that awesome and entertaining? Only time would tell. It would certainly be a lot uglier and bloodier, now that The Psych Ward was in town! But back to this house show. Fans. The fans waiting with bated breath for who could come out next. Is it a t-shirt contest? Free video snippets from From the Ashes? Even a match maybe? No. Nein. Non. "I Hate My Generation" begins to play, and those with good memories recall they've heard this song once before, several days before the RWD's first-ever supershow. In case you have CWFM (casual wrestling fan memory), this is a Cracker song which served as this man's first-ever wrestling theme: The #1 Hit-Maker - Johnny Bonecrusher! As if you didn't know! Anyway, he finally appears from behind the curtain, stopping at the ropes that open and close them, pretending to jerk at them in a mocking sort of way. He seems not supremely infuriated as many would have predicted he'd be considering the situation. A mixed reaction soon follows; the fans are still split between Emerald Entouragers and... I dunno... Fold Freaks? Let's go with that. He takes some time to amicably interact with receptive fans, but stops dead at a sign that simply says "Stev-en-son! Stev-en-son! Stev-en-son!" He desperately wants to rip it to shreds, but instead he musters up a smirk; he knows he's still here through thick and thin, whilst THAT particular emerald's lost its shine. He takes solace in that. He HAS to. He gets into the ring, is handed a mic, and proceeds to speak... "Let... me... The Johnny... The #1 Hit-Maker make... one thing... PERFECTLY CLEAR!!!"The right fans pop for that sweet sweet catch-phrase. "At From the Ashes, The Fold... FAILED. My man 'The Canadian Icon' Kruzer took a trip back in time to the early '90's and got hit by a fireball from Princess Asshole!"The fans boo the act of chicanery that gave the borderline terrorist-type-style-nothing related to race-guy the big-time win. "And then, heh heh, and THEN, God dammit, ONCE AGAIN, that punk-ass Cocheese comes out on top in a match that had MY man 'Perfectly Sane' Maxwell Schneider in it?! AGAIN in his own environment? What the HELL?! Does Cocheese have some fuckin' anti-Schneider kryptonite in his pocket, because I'd REALLY like the ref to check the tapes on that one."The fans can't help but laugh at what surely has to be a joke, but Johnny's not smiling. It's still probably a joke, I'm sure. Maybe. "So things're lookin' BAD for The Fold, but ARE they? There's ANOTHER member who's still to be mentioned, and that's 'The Living Dead Girl', Jezzabel... aka the NEXT RWD Women's Champion... of the WORLD!"The fans boo by virtue of his implications that that'd mean their favourite, Shawna Martinez, could have her days as champion already numbered. He smirks and shrugs. "But that's a story for another day. IN TWO WEEKS!... in two. weeks. it'll be two-thirds of The Fold, Schneider and Jezzabel, squaring off against... fuckin' Cocheese, sure, why not, for fuck's sake, and his partner, the very person who trained li'l Art-Art, Ryan Cava-luh-luh.
Now when I heard that my man was booked for a THIRD. SHOW. IN A ROW against that piece of trash, I was like, NO! No more!! Enough's enough, we need to move on! No more Cocheese! My man's on a dairy-free diet as of NOW! This shit was getting out of hand. Hell, give us KONSTANTINE one-on-one again, if he's still lookin' for his self-appointed retribution!
And JUST as I was about to get Mr. Rech and/or Mr. Garland on the phone, who should stop me... but SCHNEIDER?!"Johnny's eyes widen and all he can do is shake his head in disgust. The fans cheer the name of their most hardcore of madmen. "SCHNEIDER, in his infinite wisdom, asked, begged, PLEADED with me to keep the match as it was! WHAT?! Keep the match as it WAS?! The poor bastard WANTED to face Cocheese again! He said he wanted to face him again and again and againandagainandagain-WHY?! WHY, I asked him, WHY.
The answer's quite simple: he's ob-SESSED with Cocheese on a level I'd say was unhealthy, but we passed unhealthy YEARS ago, and it's only been a couple of months. Schneider won't REST until he's put Cocheese down, and even if he loses to the motherfucker a thousand times in a row, if he's still alive at the end, he's gettin' back in the ring with him, EVERY time!
Now, with Yours Truly at the helm, we'll find HIS kryptonite soon enough, don't you worry your dicky-dicky yah-yah, they call me dada head about THAT, Co-spoiled-milk-mother-fuck!!!"The fans boo Cocheese heavily; if EVER the RWD has a supervillain, it was THAT guy. Guys like KONSTANTINE were too soft-spoken, too organized to be of this status... for NOW. Just wait. After regaining his composure, he sighs, "So, we've got ourselves a tag-team match.
But NOW, without further ado, lemme introduce you to ONE of the competitors in this little shindig, you know him well, he's The Portland Madman, please welcome: 'Perfectly Sane' Maxwell Schneider!!!"♫Da na na na na na! Da na na na na na! Da na na na na na! Da na na na na na! Da na na na na na! Da na na na na na!♫ Those ominous beginning electric guitar riffs of "Bad to the Bone" by George Thorogood and the Destroyers blare throughout the PA system, and after the first or second "Da na na na na na's", the fans know full well who's a-comin', and many scramble to safety, whilst other braver souls flock to get a closer look at The Portland Madman as he... storms down to the ring... through the crowd! People get bumped and shoved, but they love it; they got to touch and be touched by a real-life classic monster! Johnny didn't expect this, so when Schneider doesn't come out from the gorilla position, he soon looks to the roaring crowd for the answers, and he just scoffs. Schneider eventually makes his way to the ring, walks over the top ropes, and comes face-to-face with his new manager. They both rest their hands on their hips, before finally going in for a handshake, followed by Schneider pulling Johnny in for a big bearhug, much to the smaller man's chagrin. The fans are eating it up though. After Johnny pulls away (read: Schneider willingly lets go), he hands the mic to his man, and presents him to the fans, who continue to cheer. "Here I AM, you lucky people!"The fans go nuts! Johnny rolls his eyes and rolls his hand in a "hurry it up" gesture. "Ol' Johnny-boy said it BEST: I WANT COCHEESE!!!"The fans continue to lose it for their big burly nutty kooky hero. "I want Cocheese in the WORST way! I wanna wear his SKIN as a vest, dye my boots RED with his BLOOD, and drink some STONE'S THROW BEER outta his SKULL!"The fans go for the cheap pop; Stone's Throw Beer is brewed RIGHT HERE, in Little Rock, Arkansas! Go ME, that was a cheap pop TOO! "Now Jezzabel can have her way with Ryan CALAMARI, but Cocheese is allllll miiine! I won't STOP, Frankie! I won't STOP... until ONE of us is dead and BURIED! Ya beat me ONCE, FINE, ya beat me AGAIN, albeit indirectly, DOUBLE fine! But can ya beat me TEN times? A HUNDRED? A THOUSAND?! Sooner or later, Frankie, yer goin' DOWN, and ya AIN'T comin' back UP!
Mark yer calendars, ladies and gents! It's Sunday, December 14th, and it's Sunday Night Combat, and it's riiiiight HERE, in good ol' Little Rock, Arkansas! Bring the kids, the family dog, bring 'em ALL, 'cuz yer gonna see a show the likes you've NEVER seen, baby! Ol' Maxie-poo ain't runnin' outta steam NO time soon! NO time soon! DEAL with it, Frankie!"Then "Bad to the Bone" begins to play again, as Johnny, definitely approving of his man's diatribe, once more presents his man to the fans. "Maxwell Schneider, everyone! Maxwell motherFUCKIN' Schneider!"And with that, Schneider storms out of the ring and wades back into the crowd, beckoning his manager to follow. Johnny's hesitant at first, but then shrugs and hops beyond the barricade, much to the delight of at least more fans than when he first came out! THE END. |
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wwjbcd
Uppercard
Portlandius Madness Maximus
Posts: 116
Likes: 23
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Post by wwjbcd on Dec 11, 2014 5:06:08 GMT
"Inter-Gender Tag-Team Chaos Extravaganza!" or "Bitches Runnin' Wild!" (SNC V RP #2)
So the rappin' fool's finally reared his ugly head, and he's brought some backup of the NOT-Ryan Cavalleri persuasion! Well, that's okay, that's just fine, because in the end, when urban teams with rural, and their opponents are madness teaming with death, then the streets rot and nature recedes! This is proving to be a classic shitstorm, as ramshackle unions pitted against each other battle tooth and nail for bloody dominance. Man vrs. man, man vrs. woman, woman vrs. woman, woman vrs. man. And while the typicals of the wrestling industry assure victory for a guy like Cocheese 99.9% of the time, little do the humanoids know... this is the unlucky number 13 of odds: 0.1 happens Sunday night!!
"Who am I? Who am *I*?! Who am I."Our scene fazes into existence with these words uttered by a familiar voice. The office manifests itself, complete with desk, chairs, window, gaudy velvet paintings, and that metal balls thingie, you know, that thing that goes clack clack clack? That thing. The chair, a big one, so big, you can't see who's behind it. It's facing away from the desk, by the way. Smoke rises from behind it. A goldfish obliviously swims about a small bowl, circling a hollow castle, as hollow as Frankie Cocheese's SOUL, maybe?! Anyway, papers are strewn about the desk, and the namebar/plate/thinger reads: JBC Industries. Standing in front of the desk are some familiar faces, dressed to the nines: if just for one promo - Captain Corporate Canada Kruzer, Mortality-Rate Statistician Jezzabel, and Secretary of Homeland Security Schneider. Why is this like this? Oh, it doesn't make sense to you? I'm sorry, do you want me to put them back in their wrestling attire and have them scream promos into a mic in front of a camera for hours on end?! No? I didn't think so. "This, this Mother Nature comes out of the woodwork, first match in, gets a shot at two-thirds of The Fold, NOBODY knows who she is... and I know fully WELL Cocheese knows her; I DID say NOBODY, DIDN'T I? HAW!""Uhh... yeah." Kruzer says. "And this has to do with me... HOW?""IT HAS *EVERYTHING* TO DO WITH YOU!" the voice barks back. "I mean, I mean, YOU know who I am, DON'T you?""Sadly..."A growled sigh is audible. After a few more moments of silence, he asks, "And who am I again?""Slow your role, Jive Turkey! The ol' Kruzermatic's got more important things to deal with than some identity crisis you're having, savvy?""And WHOOOOO am I again?!"Kruzer shakes his head and turns to Jezzabel. "Take it, Jezzy."Jezzabel slowly turns to her man and glares at him. She shakes her head and points to Schneider. "Take it, Maxwell."Maxwell looks pretty excited that he gets passed the buck. "Ohhhhh! *I* know THIS one! You're Johnny Bonecrusher!"A stogie-wielding hand rises above the chair. "Bingo! We haaaave a winnah!" Johnny exclaims as the chair spins to face his motley crew. "Groovy." Kruzer said, clearly not impressed. "Well, if you're done here, I gotta jet. Got a big match to prepare for, if you haven't forgotten!""Good! Go! Shoo!" Johnny he barks back as Kruzer leaves, Jezzabel reluctantly staying, seeing as she and Schneider have business she assumes The Johnny's going to get to before 2015. He makes a brushing motion with his stogie-hand. "Shoo."The door slams! Johnny puffs on his cigar whilst examining the remaining bodies. He closes one eye and points at both Jezzabel and Schneider. "You guys. Youuuu guys. Youuu-hoo-hoo-HOO guys! In fours days, you guys are gonna tangle with, uh oh, uh oh, a change in the programming, danger, danger! We're stuck with Fannie Cocheese still, but it seems he's sent Calamari packin' and brought in a pinch-hitter! Someone, someone, ha ha ha, SOMEONE who doesn't know who Yours Truly is?!"Johnny clamps down on his stogie as he chuckles, each chuckle causing puffs of smoke to exit his gob. "SOMEONE... named Mother Nature... doesn't know who I am... Well... who are YOUUUUU, I'd very much like to know! Ain't no one's ever heard of you, and Cocheese knowing you means as much to me as you might expect!"Jezzabel remains stoic, her arms crossed. Schneider's raising his arm like a kid in grade two. Johnny slowly raises his arm, allowing it to lazily point at Schneider. "Go.""I'VE heard of Mother Nature!""Oh, you HAVE HAVE you?" Johnny asks amusedly. Schneider nods so wildly even his tied-back hair can't help but fly about. "Knowing FULL WELL that she's not THE Mother Nature, who doesn't exist. Who's just an anthropomorphized representation of actual literal nature."Schneider's grin slowly leads way to a long expression. "Oh.""Yeah. But, buuut, hey, buddy, keep that chin up, because what's in a name anyway? I mean, let's look at Frankie Cocheese. ...Actually, let's not. I've NEVER known a man to so willingly embrace the Dairy Side as HE has! So that leaves... Mother Nature. Wait, before I start, does anyone have anything THEY wanna say?"Schneider opens his mouth, but Jezzabel just looks at him and shakes her head. He slowly closes his mouth. Johnny dumps off some ashes into a sawed-off crystal skull ashtray. "Mother Nature, I'm assuming she's the Captain Planet of professional wrestling... if Captain Planet was a hate-mongering sanctimonious hypocritical completely and UTTERLY deluded waste of space! I mean, I get the whole new gal in the asylum wanting to prove herself by lashing out at the biggest dogs in the yard, but come on.""HEY, IS THIS AN ASYLUM OR A DOG KENNEL?!" Schneider said, ever so wary at that word "asylum". "BECAUSE IT CAN'T BE BOTH!!""No, no, it's just, it's just an, Maxie... god dammit... it's just an analogy, you're KILLING me here!!! The POINT is, this new buddy of Co-feta's made a CRITICAL error in judgement, first agreeing to team with the thug, and then UPPING the stupid-ante by running her mouth on The Fold as a whole, as if it won't result in the most SEVERE ass-whoopin' of her LIFE!"Johnny then screws the scene by turning to face the camera. He points right at it as he takes another drag of his cigar. "Mother Nature, lemme make ONE THING... PERFECTLY CLEAR: your 'PAL' CONNED you! He assured you a surefire WIN in your RWD debut, but rest assured, he's writing cheques his dirty ass can't CASH! Oh, sure, he can brag that he beat my man Schneider one-on-one, and he can brag he beat both him AND KONSTANTINE two weeks later, and while that might SEEM like an attractive offer, the stakes are - well, I guess they're not RAISED per se, but these brand-new variables are the killer!"Johnny points at Jezzabel with his stogie-hand. "SHE'S... the killer! Because you see, Mother Nature - may I call ya Naitch? Hmm? No? Okay, so Naitch, do you GET it yet? Do you get that the one force in this world GREATER than nature... is DEATH? DO you? No, I guess you wouldn't. You'll just stubbornly go through life, ignorant as the day you were hatched, not satisfied until something - or in this case SOMEONE comes along and makes you wear your BIG girl pants, which of course say 'Reality Check' along them, and..."He takes one long drag from his fine cheap-ass cigar. "AND, of course, the beatings. We can't forget THOSE! The ONLY way people like you learn their harsh lessons are when they're made to experience world-shakingly brutal beatings. And ya know somethin'? I think The Living Dead Girl's MORE than capable of deforesting your branches and gentrifying your very SOUL! AND she'll do it with a SMILE on her face! See?"He points at Jezzabel again, only there is no smile to greet the viewers, no smirk, no grin, not even a smile with her eyes! "So you go on stupidly into the night, unafraid of the terrors that lurk within it. Because when you step on the landmine of fate, it's BOOM! Light's out for Mother Nature. Mother Nature, psh, you're as barren as FUCK, grandma!"Jezzabel doesn't even try to look menacingly into the camera; she is well aware that scary looks don't impress anyone, and it'll take some medieval bloodletting to look menacing FOR her! Anyway, Schneider raises his arm like a third grader. At least he's moving up the ranks! Once again, Johnny slowly raises his arm, allowing it to lazily point at Schneider. "Go.""Can I talk about Frankie Cocheese now?"Johnny purses his lips. They twist a bit as he thinks about his man's request. He raises his finger as if he's about to say something, but then he shakes his head and beckons Schneider to go right ahead. "FRANKIE!!! I said it before, I'll say it AGAIN: it's gonna be an ab-so-LUTE pleasure ta try ta take ya down again! I told ya before, Frankie-baby, unless ol' Man Death's skimpin' on my nine lives, then MEOW MEOW, you got a LOOOOOOTTA more rounds ta go with ol' Maxie-poo here! And I dunno about THESE guys, but I LOVE yer singin'! When I end yer career, you'll get ta do it FULL-TIME! Because, ya see, Frankie Doodle Dandy, I ain't GOT nuthin' else ta fall back on! This is IT! WRASSLIN'S my life, and it has been fer a DAMN long time now, a DAMN long time! That's why I fight non-stop, full-throttle, pedal to the metal, never surrender, and like them Goonie kids from that old timey movie, SCHNEIDERS NEVER SAY DIE!!! I'm gonna KEEP on comin' at ya, and KEEP on comin' at ya, and KEEP on comin' at ya, until yer SICK of it, and then I'll come at ya some MORE! It's like Groundhog's Day, Frankie Cocheese; it's the nightmare NONE of us'll wake up from, until ONE of us is cold and dead in the ground... and even THEN I wonder! So bring your little friend, bring Mother Nature, because everyone KNOWS who the baddest mother is in this game, and that's 'Perfectly Sane' Maxwell Schneider, because, baby... I'M BAD TO THE BONE! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA!!!!!!!!!!"Johnny holds out his hands, presenting Schneider to the viewers, cigar clamped down on his grinning maw, nodding ever so slightly. He then returns his focus to the "lady" in the room. "And I, uh, I like how Cocheese talks like the possibility of locking up with you's gonna be a cakewalk. Care ta rebuttal?"This marks either THE END... or a TBC from Jezzabel (i.e.: Jezzabel SNC V RP #1) |
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Post by Kruzer & Jezzabel on Dec 13, 2014 0:32:58 GMT
Jezzabel is still standing with her arms crossed. Her eyebrow raises as her gaze moves for Maxwell to Johnny.Jezzabel: What the hell do you expect me to say to rebuff that Jonathan? That pathetic little man has never set foot in the Bearer's Yard nor has he ever faced the Powers of Darkness before. But in a single word Jonathan, I can sum up little Frankie's comments... {She looks into the camera.} Ignorance. Because after that sad, pathetic excuse for an "Ironwoman Match" at From the Ashes, I can see why you would have such a low opinion of the women in the RWD at the moment. Thirty minutes is not being an Ironwoman, it is just tin foil in comparison to sixty minutes. But you little Frankie, you, just like so many other pathetic little boys that have stepped up to face the Living Dead Girl, underestimating the Powers of the Darkness, and simply cast me aside... just for being a woman, you will find out soon enough how big of a mistake that really is. Because I guarantee that you, little man, will be eating those words come Sunday. Your typical man-speak trying to discredit my talents, insulting those close to me, and trivializing me by focusing on my AMPLE assets instead of my accomplishments, is simply your own defense mechanism for your true feelings. Fear. Now, you will say your are not afraid, but that is easy to say in a room with only a microphone, a camera and some whore you paid fifty cents to, to call her "Mother Nature" for the evening. Perhaps there's some Mommy issues you have not yet dealt with there little Frankie? Is that why your sole focus in your rant about me was to do mostly with my tits and my ass? Or why your little whore claims that I will be the one living in fear after this match? I fear no man, no woman... No ONE! I have already shown to the entire RWD that I am exactly what I say I am: The Most Dominant Female in Sports Entertainment. Do I really look like someone that is worried about what "Mother Nature" does? I am unnatural... I am unholy... I AM the Living Dead Girl! So why would it bother me if two little pathetic excuses for humans call me a "Walking Dead Freak"? I AM a Walking Dead Freak! But you will find that out soon enough little ones... You shall find out why the Bearer's Yard is the place where angels fear to tread. You say you will be bringing the rain, the sleet, the lightening and "more importantly" the thunder... Oh my... Whatever will we do Maxwell? Do you really think those things have any effect on the Powers of Darkness little ones? Fact is "Mother Nature", I live the nightmare because I AM The Nightmare! I AM the REAPER of Souls here in the RWD. You do not want the hellfire of which you have asked little girl, because I am DEAD certain that little Frankie Goat-cheese is not paying you enough to endure the punishment you are about to receive... In short little girl, you will need to raise your rates. You Cannot Fight Fate little ones... It is Inevitable. And the Darkness teaming with the Perfectly Sane one here, will just simply be the icing needed to finally topple the "undefeated" Frankie Cocheese and his little paid escort. You say if I show up I will be dead... well, in the immortal words of my good friend Eric Draven: Well, I say I am dead... and I move. So I will not be a case of "See you when I see you"... No. It will be more like what will happen when I see you first little ones... For I WILL be there to take your souls on Sunday... Ashes to Ashes... Dust to Dust... You shall both... Rest... In... Pieces...Jezzabel's eyes roll back into her head then look straight back into the camera as she screams like a banshee gesturing towards the camera with flames shooting out of her hands. The film appears to melt on screen then goes to black. |
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so quickly so sad!
