wwjbcd
Uppercard
Portlandius Madness Maximus
Posts: 116
Likes: 23
|
Post by wwjbcd on Sept 15, 2014 4:27:44 GMT
|
|
|
|
Post by Drew Stevenson on Sept 15, 2014 4:47:21 GMT
This was a very interesting yet great rp. The slight yellow used hurt my eyes but that's minor. Schneider is such an odd character and you write him so well that I think he'll amount to big things here in RWD.
Great stuff Helder!
|
|
wwjbcd
Uppercard
Portlandius Madness Maximus
Posts: 116
Likes: 23
|
Post by wwjbcd on Sept 15, 2014 4:52:25 GMT
It was good the yellow hurt your eyes. All the formatting is supposed to engage your senses, making you feel something when reading the disjointedness of the format of the narrative.
Thanks, good sir!
|
|
|
|
Post by Chris Williams on Sept 18, 2014 14:58:00 GMT
Unfortunately, I was only able to read it in the middle of a fairly loud Starbucks, so I probably wasn't able to concentrate on the piece as well as possible. That being said, I honestly think the formatting of the narrative was somewhat distracting to me. I totally understand what you were trying to do there, and I love the idea, but I felt as if I was being pulled out of the promo when it happened. My mind was more focused on "Oh, now it's yellow... Oh now it's big font!" vs. focusing on the actual message of Schneider's madness. However, I really enjoyed the dialogue quite a bit. Schneider was able to really dive into his story, and the frustrations and mounting disappointment that more than likely contributed to his crazy-fuck-ness. To me, the dialogue was a very strong piece of writing. If I had to offer any other feedback, it would probably be to see if you can find a different way to pull in your reader through the narrative, while still allowing Schneider's madness to shine through.
Really looking forward to more from you with this character!
|
|
Smart
Rookie
Posts: 22
Likes: 10
|
Post by Smart on Sept 18, 2014 15:11:39 GMT
I'm gonna have to disagree with Chris. I think the formatting was a great way to emphasize the mad and chaotic nature of Schneider's character. I think something would be lost if the RP had been written in a standard, traditional way. You're playing with colors and formatting similarly to the way Garland and I write the Shades, except instead of using it as a dumb joke, you're getting your character across in a unique and interesting way.
|
|
so quickly so sad!