Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (SNC VII RP #1)

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Loo-ee-zee-ana! The Big Easy! The site of Sunday Night Combat - Episode #7! It's a stacked card to be sure, but one match sticks out- NO, NOT the Main Event, damn you, what's the MATTER with you?! It's that little match occurring BEFORE that cute little bout. What match is that? LOOK ABOVE, JACK!!

Two siblings teaming up with a like-minded overly-dramatic super-villain, squaring off against a most bizarre trio, to say the least. Oh sure, two-thirds of said team are very familiar with each other being married and all, but the wild card in this match is not the issue, believe it or not! No, it's the wild card's manager, who's had beef with the wedded duo. The manager has long since already stated he's looking past his issues with other people so he can focus on leading his trio of terror to new heights in 2015, and thus far his dedication to The Fold's paid off: each member had a match at the one-off Monday Night Combat, and each member came away with a win!

But now that said manager's being forced to interact with his man's partners, will all his hard work come unravelled?

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Our story begins today where it SHOULD begin. Not some wacky locale, not some pretentiously convoluted site, not ANYWHERE but where it matters, which is INSIDE THE RING.

The RWD has house shows; when a promotion has televised programs, its stars have to have more time to shine, even if it's away from the limelight tee-vee has to offer. To that end, we have Brenden Reynalds already INSIDE THE RING, ready to announce what I'm pretty sure you're already expecting. Well, BULLY for you!!!

"Ladies and gentlemen, we'll be back to the action shortly, but right now, we have a very special guest with us tonight! Please welcome The #1 Hit-Maker... Johnny! Bonecrusher!"

And a more collectively uniform sentiment fills the crowd this time around. It's a positive vocal reaction, more than has been expressed in the recent past in regards to the 15-year veteran. It seems that much of what caused the mixed reactions before has either been forgotten or forgiven, or for those who know The Johnny all too well, accepted as a part of his crusty albeit well-meaning demeanour.

ANYWAY, Jesus Christ, he fuckin' comes out to "I Hate My Generation" by Cracker, looking a lot more smug than he has in recent months. He nods approvingly at the smaller audience, clasping his hands as if excited about something. He makes his way into the ring, utters something to Brenden, who responds with an amused shrug and nod, which causes Johnny to nod back as he SNATCHES the mic from Brenden's hands! Brenden seems to be okay with that, as he heads out of the ring.

Johnny looks at his mic, shaking his head in disappointment. "Ahh, it's just not the same when they LET you snatch it from them! Tsk!"

The fans are in turn amused at The Johnny's lamenting.

"But, with that being said-LEMME MAKE ONE THING... PERFECTLY CLEAR!!!"

The fans pop.

"You all saw... YOU ALL SAW, what The Fold has already accomplished in the first week of 2015! That was just a FRACTION of what's to come, now that Yours Truly's dumped all the baggage filled with the words of people who, quite frankly, don't factor IN to MY long-term plans! Now, you all saw Plan A, B and C go off without, uh, any REAL major, uh, hitches... *cough*... but Plan D... PLAN D, LADIES AND GENTS... now THAT'S a puzzler."

Johnny lowers his head a bit and gives it a shake; his shades preventing the reading of what his eyes must surely be telling. After the pause, he raises his head back up, looking conflicted.

"Plan D is a match in two weeks at Sunday Night Combat, where two Kaiser rolls, a mouldy one and a mini one, teaming up with a guy whose last name is ALWAYS SHOUTED. THAT part of Plan D is simple enough, as simple as that triad of shmucks is. Plan D.2, however, comes in the form of their opponents, namely Fink Washington and Con-a Martinez-Washington-"

The fans boo in disapproval of the name-calling. Johnny holds up his hands in an attempt to calm the crowd.

"Now hold on, that just sorta slipped out. I CAN'T HELP MYSELF SOMETIMES, OKAY?! But hey, here's the kicker: THEY'RE teaming up with a man I know ALL too well, and the man I'm going to bring out... RIGHT NOW!!"

The fans start to work themselves up into a fury, as they're already aware of who's about to come off. A collective hush suddenly blankets the audience, only to be replaced by:


And the crowd reanimates itself, going wild for their mastadonic messiah! George Thorogood and the Destroyers' "Bad to the Bone" is a fitting clarion call for The Portland Madman, who bursts out from behind the curtain, swinging his Brass Knuckles title belt over his head as he storms to the ring. He tosses it inside the ring, Johnny barely side-stepping it! He shouts at his man to watch the fuck out, but his commands go unnoticed, as "Perfectly Sane" Maxwell Schneider circles the ring tagging hands with the fans, pulling a kid up by his armpits and roaring in his face, much to the delight of the kid, but the parents aren't all that impressed, so he puts the kids back down, slides into the ring, stomps to the other side, slides back out, and yes, yes, starts to fill the ring, even at a lowly house show, with gifts of a hardcore nature! Johnny bolts the ring, once more shouting at the out-of-control lunatic. After Schneider's done his deed, he asks for Johnny's mic. Johnny opts to just hand it over to him instead of getting back into the ring. Schneider, however, actually SNATCHES the mic from his manager, giving him a taste of his own medicine, entertaining the fans in the process.

"Mr. Bonecrusher, STAY RIGHT THERE! I got this! Now... let ME make one thing perfectly clear!!"

The fans howl at Schneider stealing The Johnny's catch-phrase! Johnny just rolls his eyes.

"Now... CAMERON KAISER!"

The fans immediately boo at the name of that most vile of motherfuckers. Johnny's face twitches and his eyes narrow a bit.

"Youuuuu got off too SOFT last time, if ya ask me, and ya KNOW ya did! You wanna go round TWO with ol Maxie-poo? Well, this li'l poker game's ante's been UPPED! One ONE side, we got a pair of Jokers and a JACK-off... and on OUR side we got a King and Queen and, and, and, THE ACE OF SPADES, THE ACE OF SPADES!!! That's ME!"

The fans approve of Schneider's good sportsmanship; maybe Johnny could learn a thing or two from him, huh? Maybe not the poor sing-shouting of random music lyrics, but... SOMETHING, anyway!

"AND... that means... WE WIN! ...Well, if we was playin' ACTUAL poker, that is! But nope, this is a WRASSLIN' match, and it ain't quite as SIMPLE as that, HUH? But rest ASSURED, BLEEDING a man's DAMN simple, when yer in the mood fer HATE! And Cameron Kaiser, your li'l sister's gonna have ta explain ta mommy and daddy why big brother's in intensive care! In a COMA! Hell, that's if you CAN explain anything once Miss Martinez-Washington's stomped your pretty li'l head into the MAT! And KONSTANTINE, yer old news! You wanna live ta fight another day, you'd BETTER look ta gettin' yer ass WHUPPED by Mr. Washington-Washington, and leave that damn bastard Cameron ALL ta me! ALL mine! MINE ALL MINE! Cameron Kaiser, round two's gonna be a liiiiittle different from round one, but the end result'll be VERY different: yer goin' SO down, you'll WISH you hit Hell before ya hit wherever you're gonna wind up!"

The fans are eating all of Schneider's rant up, though Johnny's a bit confused at what his man last said. Schneider follows up his words with simply returning the mic back to Johnny, still outside the ring. Schneider dusts off his hands in an exaggerated way.

"Well... there ya have it, folks. Couldn't have said it better myself! January 18th marks the day that Hell freezes over, as one-third of The Fold coexists with two-halves of the Washingtons. God help us all."

And with that, Johnny unceremoniously drops the mic as "Bad to the Bone" begins to play again. Schneider picks up his title strap, pointing at it proudly. He then leaves the ring, meeting back up with his manager, as they make their way out of the area, communicating with fans along the way.