Post by Kruzer & Jezzabel on Nov 25, 2014 22:52:00 GMT
Charles Matias stands in the ring of an RWD house show. This means it’s interview time! The fans patiently wait to see what wrestler will come out and speak their mind: a rule-breaking villain… or a beloved hero? Or…?
Charles Matias: “Ladies and gentlemen, the Revolutionary Wrestling Division’s been on quite the rollercoaster as of late, and one man who’s been riding on the last car’s for quite some time is my next guest tonight, a man who needs no introduction, yet will demand one anyway, he’s The #1 Hit-Maker, Johnny Bonecrusher!”
And amidst a sea of adoring chants and resentful jeers, an unfamiliar tune begins to play… unfamiliar to all but the MAJOREST of JBC marks, for blaring over the PA system is “I Hate My Generation” by Cracker, which marks the arrival of the ever-controversial Canadian himself. A fun fact about this particular song: it’s considered his first official theme song, not having been in use for well over a decade… or MORE!
He does his best to ignore the ringside fans trying to jam Emerald Entourage posters in his face, whilst posing for pictures with more loyal fans. He then remembers he’s a manager now, and that’s not cool. So, he storms to the ring, pointing at Matias with both hands, giving him a jocularly scolding look.
Charles Matias: “Johnny, welcome here tonight!”
More cheers and jeers resonate through the air, JBC looking around in approval.
Johnny Bonecrusher: “Thanks for having me, Charlie! Let it be known that The #1 Hit-Maker isn’t beneath gracing the fans from house shows… unlike SOME people who’ll remain nameless, like Drew Stevenson!”
The marks cheer and the smarks boo… or is it the marks who boo and the smarks who cheer?
Johnny Bonecrusher: “But enough about him-LEMME MAKE ONE THING… PERFECTLY CLEAR!!”
This gets a big-time pop from the fans!
Johnny Bonecrusher: “Tonight ain’t about HIM, or even ME for that matter! TONIGHT… TONIGHT’S about a man who I’ve known for a HELLUVA long time… a man who I haven’t always seen eye-to-eye with… a man who’s on his way to the TOP of the RWD in short order… a man who, at the RWD’s first-EVER supershow, From the Ashes, will fight against that terrorist-wannabe sending back race relations 1,000 years Prince Assad, a man who can only be defined with ONE WORD: Kruzeriffic! SO… And HE made me do this…. LLLLLLLLLllllladies and gentlemen, lasses and lads, and children of LEGAL Drinking age… The #1 Hit Maker PROUDLY Presents to you… THE former 13 TIME HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONNNN OOOF THE WOOOOOORLD…. Oh yes, I’m TALKING about MY client… The Canadian Icon… KRUZER!!!”
{Disclaimer: Ok, so here's the skinny... I didn't have the time to re-record the super kool parody version of this, so you folks are going to have to use your imagination. lol}
Smoke does fill the archway, but suddenly, the riff from 'Real American' begins to to play. Johnny looks towards the archway furrowing his brow in confusion as the crowd erupts thinking it's THE Hulk Hogan.
Real Canadian Lyrics:
When it comes crashing down and it hurts inside;
I gotta drink a beer'n'play hockey all night.
If you've got a puck then I've got a stick;
If you don't like Canucks, you can suck my dick.
I am a Real Canadian,
Fishin' n' Fightin', Drinkin' Beer again.
I am a Real Canadian,
Fight for your rights; Fight for your lives.
No, I don't give a shit about right and wrong;
But I do really like it when-my girl wears a thong.
Yeah, I got something deep inside of me;
I am True, North, Strong and Free.
I am a Real Canadian,
Fishin' n' Fightin', Drinkin' Beer again.
I am a Real Canadian,
Fight for your rights; Fight for your lives.(X2)
(Solo)
If you've got a puck then I've got a stick;
If you don't like Canucks, you can suck my dick.
I am a Real Canadian,
Fishin' n' Fightin', Drinkin' Beer again.
I am a Real Canadian,
Fight for your rights; Fight for your lives.(X3)
West Newhaven: What the-- Hulk Hogan's not scheduled tonight!
Matt Baily: It's not Hogan, West... LOOK!
BUT Kruzer emerges through the smoke with sleeveless shirt that reads:
West Newhaven: This is blatant gimmick infringement Matt... Who the hell does Kruzer think he is?
Matt Baily: Tonight, apparently Hulk Hogan-ish... Listen to this ovation for the Canadian Icon!!!
West Newhaven: Idiots applauding an idiot... What a disrespectful display from a disrespectful human being.
He raises his trademark bullhorns in the air as pyros go off then turns around and makes his way to the ring slapping hands down both sides of the ramp then slides into the ring. He steps up to the second turnbuckle flashiing the bullhorns one more time then steps down smiling at JBC extending his hand. Johnny visibly smirks and knods shaing Kruzer'z hand as the music fades. Kruzer shakes Mathias' hand too then...
The Kruzermatics begin to chant: "KRUZER'Z AWESOME! KRUZER'Z AWESOME! KRUZER'Z AWESOME!"
Kruzer looks around grinning and knodding, bats his chest with his fist then points around the arena. The chants and cheers disapate and Charles Matias speaks.
Charles Matias: Welcome Kruzer... The Kruzermatics are obviously in full force tonight...
Kruzer: Well... LEMME TELL YOU SOMETHIN' KRUZERMATICS...
The Kruzermatics mark out some more and Kruzer laughs.
Kruzer: Sorry, I had to Chuck... Go ahead.
Charles Matias: Ok, well... this week you take on Prince Abdullah Assad at From th--
Kruzer: Hey... w-w-whoa-whoa whoa WHOA! ...Prince? ...Prince of what? Dogsh*t? Jive Turkey, runs around this place claiming he's the "Savior of the RWD"... Have Mercy!!!! The truth is, Chuck... Abdullah's "nobility" is about as real as that fake ass Turbin he wears on his bald little head, Savvy?! He goes off spewing his American hate propaganda in his beautifully woven and tied little ceremonial head dress... that his mommy probably made for him... yet, he has a short little buzz cut going on underneath. His momma must be real proud of that, eh? Comes to America, cuts his hair... which is, more or less, what the turbin is for: keeping them pretty, undesecrated locks protected... Then spews hatred toward the country he's come to that's allowing him to have that shaved dome in the first place? I mean, REALLY?! How the hell is the ol'Kruzermatic supposed to take this Jive Turkey seriously when it's likely he wouldn't know the difference between the Bible and the Qu'ran unless it was slapped upside his bald ass head, Savvy?! {Kruzer grins and the fans "OOOOooooooo..."} ...Oh c'mon, you know his momma loved that one. ha ha ha... But, If I Can Be Serious For A Moment... oh, wait... I'm not gonna do that sh*t... no... ha ha ha... But seriously... If that Jive Turkey wants to call out Canada... I'm all ears, eh? Cuz as you can see, Canada recognizes diversity and knowing the cultures within, Savvy?!
Charles Matias: So you've obviously heard Prin-- Assad's comments earlier then?
Kruzer: You catch on quick Chuck... I'm impressed. But yah... Kruzer heard Assad spilling his junk on the masses again.... And again, he was dead balls accurate on allot of things about Canada this time... Canadians love beer... In fact, let's tailgate this sh*t...
Kruzer signals towards the timekeepr's area and a beer can comes flying in. Kruzer tosses the first one to Johnny... the next to Matias then the next cracks it himself and drinks returning to the scrum.
Kruzer: Ok... I'm good... where was I?
Charles Matias: Canadians love beer?
Kruzer: Oh, right... Gimme that... {Kruzer takes the mic from Matias, pushing him aside and he leaves the ring} Canadians love beer... Canadians love hockey... and Canada sucks the teat of America... {The Kruzermatics "BOOO!"} Yes, you're right... Boo that shit! Cuz... sadly folks... That part's true... Now! My government kisses your government's ass! But you see, in all his extensive Googling of Canada, and Kruzer, for that matter... MISTER Assad missed one significant thing... Kruzer IS Anti-Establishment. Kruzer IS Anti- the current Canadian government; our Prime Minister Stephen Harper can kiss my patriotic, red'n'white Canadian Ass! And Kruzer IS Anti-American... {The Kruzermatics suddenly silence.} ...Foreign Policy. {The Kruzermatics collectively go "OOoooohhhh.....".} Almost lost ya there... ha ha ha... But you see folks, Kruzer sees why Abdullah's so angry... Kruzer sees why he hates "America"... Hell, I even see why he hate Canada... We're America's Clean up crew. I get it... But here's the difference between you and me... Kruzer doesn't HATE You... I don't like you either, but I do pity you Abdullah... You wanna ignore my past achievements? The fact that Kruzer IS a Thirteen Time World Heavyweight Champion? Fine. You'll find out why soon enough... You wanna take pot shots at my wife? Kool... we're used to that... but if you wanna pick a fight with the crowned Princess of Darkness... enjoy that. Cuz I've had my own battles with my wife... in this ring... and lemme tell ya brother... if one of the best EVER in this business hasn't beaten her yet, then there's no hope in HELL that a little squib like you can take her, Savvy?! She fights her own battles, so that's your own f*cking funeral pal! I got no control over what she does to you... But what Kruzer DOES have control over though, is our match at From the Ashes... You seem to think I have no respect for you and that Kruzer thinks you have no talent... Far from it. Kruzer respects your talent in this ring. Kruzer respects your conviction and your fire... but what Kruzer DOES NOT Respect, is how you go about it Jive Turkey. Your hate and your anger WILL be your down fall Abdullah. You're no butcher... you're no savior... and you're sure as hell no f*cking "prince". Do you wanna know why these folks out here call you a terrorist, kid? ...It's not because your skin is brown. ...it's not because of your beliefs. It's because you're an even bigger f*cking asshole than I am!
The Kruzermatics cheer at that and both Kruzer & Johnny shrug and nod.
Kruzer: You see Abdullah... Kruzer tells the truth. And the truth is, at From the Ashes, you're about to run head on with The Canadian Icon! Do Not Pass Go; Do Not Collect Two Hundred Dollars... No religion. No bullshit. But if you think I fear you Jive Turkey... you got another thing comin' son... Kruzer looks over at JBC. Johnny... step out.
Johnny looks at Kruzer confused for a moment, but then suddenly nods and slowly leaves the ring to ringside.
Kruzer: So, you wanna talk wanna talk without an interviewer eh? Well, Kruzer'z right here Jive Turkey... Your move chief...
The Kruzermatics cheers as Kruzer gesture towrds the back calling out Abdullah Assad.
{TBC by Abdullah Assad or JBC}
Real Canadian Lyrics:
When it comes crashing down and it hurts inside;
I gotta drink a beer'n'play hockey all night.
If you've got a puck then I've got a stick;
If you don't like Canucks, you can suck my dick.
I am a Real Canadian,
Fishin' n' Fightin', Drinkin' Beer again.
I am a Real Canadian,
Fight for your rights; Fight for your lives.
No, I don't give a shit about right and wrong;
But I do really like it when-my girl wears a thong.
Yeah, I got something deep inside of me;
I am True, North, Strong and Free.
I am a Real Canadian,
Fishin' n' Fightin', Drinkin' Beer again.
I am a Real Canadian,
Fight for your rights; Fight for your lives.(X2)
(Solo)
If you've got a puck then I've got a stick;
If you don't like Canucks, you can suck my dick.
I am a Real Canadian,
Fishin' n' Fightin', Drinkin' Beer again.
I am a Real Canadian,
Fight for your rights; Fight for your lives.(X3)
West Newhaven: What the-- Hulk Hogan's not scheduled tonight!
Matt Baily: It's not Hogan, West... LOOK!
BUT Kruzer emerges through the smoke with sleeveless shirt that reads:
West Newhaven: This is blatant gimmick infringement Matt... Who the hell does Kruzer think he is?
Matt Baily: Tonight, apparently Hulk Hogan-ish... Listen to this ovation for the Canadian Icon!!!
West Newhaven: Idiots applauding an idiot... What a disrespectful display from a disrespectful human being.
He raises his trademark bullhorns in the air as pyros go off then turns around and makes his way to the ring slapping hands down both sides of the ramp then slides into the ring. He steps up to the second turnbuckle flashiing the bullhorns one more time then steps down smiling at JBC extending his hand. Johnny visibly smirks and knods shaing Kruzer'z hand as the music fades. Kruzer shakes Mathias' hand too then...
The Kruzermatics begin to chant: "KRUZER'Z AWESOME! KRUZER'Z AWESOME! KRUZER'Z AWESOME!"
Kruzer looks around grinning and knodding, bats his chest with his fist then points around the arena. The chants and cheers disapate and Charles Matias speaks.
Charles Matias: Welcome Kruzer... The Kruzermatics are obviously in full force tonight...
Kruzer: Well... LEMME TELL YOU SOMETHIN' KRUZERMATICS...
The Kruzermatics mark out some more and Kruzer laughs.
Kruzer: Sorry, I had to Chuck... Go ahead.
Charles Matias: Ok, well... this week you take on Prince Abdullah Assad at From th--
Kruzer: Hey... w-w-whoa-whoa whoa WHOA! ...Prince? ...Prince of what? Dogsh*t? Jive Turkey, runs around this place claiming he's the "Savior of the RWD"... Have Mercy!!!! The truth is, Chuck... Abdullah's "nobility" is about as real as that fake ass Turbin he wears on his bald little head, Savvy?! He goes off spewing his American hate propaganda in his beautifully woven and tied little ceremonial head dress... that his mommy probably made for him... yet, he has a short little buzz cut going on underneath. His momma must be real proud of that, eh? Comes to America, cuts his hair... which is, more or less, what the turbin is for: keeping them pretty, undesecrated locks protected... Then spews hatred toward the country he's come to that's allowing him to have that shaved dome in the first place? I mean, REALLY?! How the hell is the ol'Kruzermatic supposed to take this Jive Turkey seriously when it's likely he wouldn't know the difference between the Bible and the Qu'ran unless it was slapped upside his bald ass head, Savvy?! {Kruzer grins and the fans "OOOOooooooo..."} ...Oh c'mon, you know his momma loved that one. ha ha ha... But, If I Can Be Serious For A Moment... oh, wait... I'm not gonna do that sh*t... no... ha ha ha... But seriously... If that Jive Turkey wants to call out Canada... I'm all ears, eh? Cuz as you can see, Canada recognizes diversity and knowing the cultures within, Savvy?!
Charles Matias: So you've obviously heard Prin-- Assad's comments earlier then?
Kruzer: You catch on quick Chuck... I'm impressed. But yah... Kruzer heard Assad spilling his junk on the masses again.... And again, he was dead balls accurate on allot of things about Canada this time... Canadians love beer... In fact, let's tailgate this sh*t...
Kruzer signals towards the timekeepr's area and a beer can comes flying in. Kruzer tosses the first one to Johnny... the next to Matias then the next cracks it himself and drinks returning to the scrum.
Kruzer: Ok... I'm good... where was I?
Charles Matias: Canadians love beer?
Kruzer: Oh, right... Gimme that... {Kruzer takes the mic from Matias, pushing him aside and he leaves the ring} Canadians love beer... Canadians love hockey... and Canada sucks the teat of America... {The Kruzermatics "BOOO!"} Yes, you're right... Boo that shit! Cuz... sadly folks... That part's true... Now! My government kisses your government's ass! But you see, in all his extensive Googling of Canada, and Kruzer, for that matter... MISTER Assad missed one significant thing... Kruzer IS Anti-Establishment. Kruzer IS Anti- the current Canadian government; our Prime Minister Stephen Harper can kiss my patriotic, red'n'white Canadian Ass! And Kruzer IS Anti-American... {The Kruzermatics suddenly silence.} ...Foreign Policy. {The Kruzermatics collectively go "OOoooohhhh.....".} Almost lost ya there... ha ha ha... But you see folks, Kruzer sees why Abdullah's so angry... Kruzer sees why he hates "America"... Hell, I even see why he hate Canada... We're America's Clean up crew. I get it... But here's the difference between you and me... Kruzer doesn't HATE You... I don't like you either, but I do pity you Abdullah... You wanna ignore my past achievements? The fact that Kruzer IS a Thirteen Time World Heavyweight Champion? Fine. You'll find out why soon enough... You wanna take pot shots at my wife? Kool... we're used to that... but if you wanna pick a fight with the crowned Princess of Darkness... enjoy that. Cuz I've had my own battles with my wife... in this ring... and lemme tell ya brother... if one of the best EVER in this business hasn't beaten her yet, then there's no hope in HELL that a little squib like you can take her, Savvy?! She fights her own battles, so that's your own f*cking funeral pal! I got no control over what she does to you... But what Kruzer DOES have control over though, is our match at From the Ashes... You seem to think I have no respect for you and that Kruzer thinks you have no talent... Far from it. Kruzer respects your talent in this ring. Kruzer respects your conviction and your fire... but what Kruzer DOES NOT Respect, is how you go about it Jive Turkey. Your hate and your anger WILL be your down fall Abdullah. You're no butcher... you're no savior... and you're sure as hell no f*cking "prince". Do you wanna know why these folks out here call you a terrorist, kid? ...It's not because your skin is brown. ...it's not because of your beliefs. It's because you're an even bigger f*cking asshole than I am!
The Kruzermatics cheer at that and both Kruzer & Johnny shrug and nod.
Kruzer: You see Abdullah... Kruzer tells the truth. And the truth is, at From the Ashes, you're about to run head on with The Canadian Icon! Do Not Pass Go; Do Not Collect Two Hundred Dollars... No religion. No bullshit. But if you think I fear you Jive Turkey... you got another thing comin' son... Kruzer looks over at JBC. Johnny... step out.
Johnny looks at Kruzer confused for a moment, but then suddenly nods and slowly leaves the ring to ringside.
Kruzer: So, you wanna talk wanna talk without an interviewer eh? Well, Kruzer'z right here Jive Turkey... Your move chief...
The Kruzermatics cheers as Kruzer gesture towrds the back calling out Abdullah Assad.
{TBC by Abdullah Assad or JBC}
so quickly so sad!
