Challenge Accepted!

Woman: “WHY ARE THESE TOYS ON THE SHELVES!?”

Ray Harlan: “So we can sell them and make a profit off of them ma’am.”

 
(The camera fades into the inside of the Toys R Us in Omaha, Nebraska, where our favorite RWD superstar, Ray Harlan, works part time at, every Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, from Nine O’Clock AM to Five O’Clock PM. Ray is talking to a mid fifties mother, and he is wearing the custom Toys R Us uniform, Purple collared shirt, beige khakis and black dress shoes. The woman is more than a foot smaller than Ray, with gray hair and missing teeth, and is wearing a brown trench coat for some odd reason. The woman has a very raspy voice, and disregarding the fact that her voice is unbearably annoying, it is very grating, and Ray is clearly annoyed and frustrated by the woman’s mere attitude.)

Woman: “THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT; I MEANT WHY ARE THESE TOYS BEIN’ SOLD TO CHILDREN!?”

Ray Harlan: “Ma’am, these are action figures, not toys, and children love these action figures, which is why they’re bein’ sold.”

Woman: “THESE ARE BREAKIN’ BAD TOYS!”

Ray Harlan: “Action figures.”

Woman: “THAT DOESN’T EXPLAIN WHY MAH SON CAME HOME WITH A BREAKIN’ BAD TOY. WHY ARE YOU SELLIN’ TOYS BASED ON A VIOLENT ADULT SHOW!?”

Ray Harlan: “Action figures. And your son came home with a Breaking Bad action figure because he brought it, and he brought it because Breaking Bad is awesome, ma’am.”

Woman: “HOW DARE YOU SELL THESE VIOLENT, REPULSIVE TOYS TO LITTLE CHILDREN! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YERSELF!

WHAT KIND OF BUSINESS ARE YOU RUNNIN’ HERE!?”

Kyle Finster: “Miss, I’m gonna have to ask you to leave.”

(The supervisor of the Toys R Us, Kyle Finster, is standing behind the annoying woman. Kyle is five feet six inches, and weights about a hundred and thirty pounds, and has bright red hair.)

 
Woman: “WHAT, WHY!?”

Kyle Finster: “Because yer making a scene here, and I simply cannot allow that.”

Woman: “WELL **** YOU, AND **** THIS STORE! I’M GONNA SUE THIS GAWD DAMN STORE FER EVERY SINGLE PENNY, AND I’M GONNA BANKRUPT THIS ENTIRE COMPANY FOR MAKIN’ MAH KID INTO A VIOLENT, PSYCHOPATHIC METH ADDICT!”

(The woman storms out of the store in a violent rage, yelling out every obscenity she can think of. Kyle looks at the woman and shakes his head, and looks back at Ray.)

Ray Harlan: “Is there any other kind of meth addict?”

Kyle Finster: “Maybe. Listen Ray, I need you in the back with Carson, I need you two to unload the new Bulimic Barbie collection.”

 
Ray Harlan: “Okay, sure Kyle.”

(Ray walks away and into the back storage room, where Ray’s childhood friend, Carson Ridley is, stacking up a few boxes of the Bulimic Barbie collection and the new Slutty Bratz dolls. Carson is five feet ten inches, and about a hundred and fifty pounds. Carson’s scalp is completely void of any hair, but he has long hair in the back to compensate, along with a very thick moustache that would make Tom Sellick red with envy.)

Carson Ridley: “S’up man, haven’t seen you all day.”

Ray Harlan: “Yeah, Kyle said he needed me on the floor until twelve ‘cause we were understaffed.”

Carson Ridley: “Still don’t know why that prick won’t let me on the floor or the register, I’ve been in the back for months now!”

Ray Harlan: “Probably ‘cause you tried to bite the face of one of the customers.”

Carson Ridley: “Hey, that asshole said you weren’t good enough to win the RWD World Heavyweight Title! I was defendin’ yer god damn honor from that self-righteous douchenozzle!”

Ray Harlan: “Really? ‘Cause Kyle said you were stalkin’ that guy the entire time he was in the store, an’ when he told you to piss off you attacked him and mauled him.”

Carson Ridley: “Oh what a load of bull****! Kyle wasn’t even there at that time, his shift started at ten!”

Ray Harlan: “Kyle always comes in at seven…”

Carson Ridley: “ARE YOU CALLIN’ ME A ****ING LIAR!?”

Ray Harlan: “No Carson. Jeez, calm down.”

Carson Ridley: “I CAN’T CALM DOWN, YOU AN’ ME ARE IN SUCH ****! YOU LOSE YER MATCH AGAINST THAT ANDREW ARROW GUY AND NOW DON’T HAVE A CHANCE AT THE RWD WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP, AND I MIGHT LOSE MY JOB BECAUSE SOME TURD BUCKET TRIED TO BELITTLE THE BEST FRIEND I EVER HAD!”

Ray Harlan: “Yer not gonna lose yer job Carson, believe me.”

Carson Ridley: “REALLY!? Uh, you really think so?”

Ray Harlan: “Carson, you took a dump in the middle of the Lego aisle all those years back and body slammed Kyle into it, and you still have yer job. I’m startin’ to think that Kyle’s afraid you might end up killin’ him if he fires you.”

Carson Ridley: “Really, you think!? Sweet!”

Ray Harlan: “An’ I still have a chance at the World Heavyweight Title Carson.”

Carson Ridley: “But you said you lost to Anthony Anderson!”

Ray Harlan: “First off, his name is Alex Arren. And yeah Carson, I lost to him. Big deal, I said that Alex Arren was a speed bump on my road to the World Heavyweight Title, and I meant it Carson, win or lose. I just have to rebound against this Hayden Phoenix feller.”

Carson Ridley: “Who the hell is that butt pirate?”

Ray Harlan: “Now hold on just a minute Carson, don’t call Hayden a butt pirate. Don’t call him anything, actually, he’s a pretty neat guy. He even said he liked me and wanted to play me in Gears of War!”

Carson Ridley: “He DOES know that yer one of the top ranked Gears of War players in the world, right?”

Ray Harlan: “I’m sure he does Carson! He probably thinks he can beat me in a one on one match, well, he thinks wrong of course! I’ll beat him so badly his damn head will spin!”

Carson Ridley: “Maybe you should play him in somethin’ else, like Pokemon.”

Ray Harlan: “I’ll just end up destroyin’ him again Carson! All I need is mah Quiet natured, Highly Curious Hitmonchan, and his four moves, Dynamic Punch, Ice Punch, Fire Punch, and Lightin’ Punch! Ain’t no one ever been able to beat my Hitmonchan!”

Carson Ridley: “What about the actual wrestlin’ match?”

Ray Harlan: “Hm, good point Carson. I should probably stop thinkin’ about beatin’ Hayden Phoenix in Gears of War or Pokemon, and start thinkin’ about beatin’ him in the wrestlin’ ring.”

Carson Ridley: “Well uh, what the hell is yer strategy!?”

Ray Harlan: “Pffft, strategy in the wrestlin’ ring is fer losers Carson, and I sure as hell ain’t no loser. I’m already a highly successful wrestler, and I’ve only been wrestlin’ fer a few months Carson. I do what I always do, overpower that sumbitch! It’s worked fer me so far, and I won’t steer away from it now! An’ after that, me an’ Hayden Phoenix will settle our Gentlemen’s quarrel over a game Super Smash Brothers!”

Kyle Finster (Off screen): “Ray, Carson, are you guys finished back there?”

(Ray and Carson quickly turn around to the door, being spooked by Kyle’s voice reaching out to them. They were so busy talking to each other about wrestling, video games and biting people’s faces off that they forgot to do their work…)

Ray Harlan: “Uh oh ah er, not yet Kyle! Give us ten minutes!”

(Ray and Carson begin to quickly stack the warehouse shelves with Bulimic Barbie dolls, something they should’ve done a while ago.)

 Carson Ridley: “So, you gonna beat that Howard Fenix guy?”

Ray Harlan: “Hayden Phoenix. And yeah Carson, of course I’m gonna beat him. But y’know, I may have actually found someone worth befriendin’ in the RWD. Anyone ballsy enough to challenge me to a game of Gears of War is a friend of mine!”

(Ray and Carson rapidly put the Barbie dolls on the shelves as the camera fades to black.)

FADE TO BLACK