Post by Ray Harlan on Oct 15, 2014 18:26:37 GMT
(OOC Note: I'd really like to apologize to Alex Arren for posting my promo so late. I misread the deadline as the 25th, not the 15th.)
(The camera fades into a shot of Ray Harlan and his uncle Phil, both in front of a red and black RWD backdrop. There is a circular wooden brown colored table of average length in front of Ray, and on the table is Ray's UWL TV Title, a copy of Final Fantasy 7, and a framed picture 12x10 of Ray in his Toys R Us uniform, with a big piece of black duct tape on the bottom part of the frame. Ray is wearing a black RWD promotional t-shirt, blue jeans and white sneakers, and Uncle Phil is wearing a white tank top, beige shorts, and brown sandals with white socks. Uncle Phil is sitting down at the table as Ray is standing behind the table, with a little grin on his face as he looks at the camera.)
Ray Harlan: "Well well well, how long is it until Sunday Night Combat? Four days? We're four days until the second installment of one of the best god damn wrestlin' shows in the world, Sunday Night Combat airs, and god damn do we have a great show! Don't we have a great damn show Uncle Phil!?
Uncle Phil: "Amazing ****ing show! I'm so damn pumped Ray Ray!"
Ray Harlan: "Me too! We got a stacked card from top to bottom, we got...uh...Francis Washing Machine goin' one on one against Christian Williams in the main event....an...uh...an' of course, you got everyone's favorite momma's boy, one of the best god damn wrestlers in the whole god damn business, the most god damn electricfyin' wrestler on the face of the planet, Ray Harlan, in what will of course be match of the night, goin' one on one against the Super Troop Alex Arren!"
Uncle Phil: "No Ray, it's 'Sioux-per Troop'."
Ray Harlan: "Right Uncle Phil, 'Super Troop'."
Uncle Phil: "No Ray, 'SIOUX-per Troop'."
Ray Harlan: "SUUUUUUUUUUUUU-per Troop!"
Uncle Phil: "No, yer not gettin' it Ray, SSSIIIIOOOOOUUUUXXXX-per Troop."
Ray Harlan: "Ah screw it, who gives a damn!? It ain't gonna matter when his brains 'er splattered all over the canvas after I give him a Bearhug so massive, I pop his head like a damn pimple! See, for those of you who barely know me, lemme let you in on a little secret; I haven't been wrestlin' fer very long! I haven't even been wrestlin' for three whole months! My wrestlin' debut was for this know defunct company SKYFIRE, July twenty second to be exact! An' in less than three months, I've accomplished more than anyone would've imagine I would! I'm already a champion in one fed, look at that title over on the table, cause that's mine! And it only took me three whole weeks to capture it! An' I'm already fightin' in a couple months for their top title! I'm here in the RWD, and I've already torn the god damn roof off of the buildin' when I destroyed that little twerp Dennis Driver!"
(Ray turns around and looks at his uncle.)
Ray Harlan: "Right Uncle Phil!? I tore the damn roof off!"
Uncle Phil: "Tore it off!? Ray, you blew the buildin' to smithereens! i ain't even seen so much electricity in one buildin' before!"
(Ray turns around to look back at the camera.)
Ray Harlan: "Yer god damn right! Couldn't say it better mahself! So ya see, you make look at me, an' you may see some mid forties has-been who still lives with his momma an' has no hobbies, interests or aspirations! An' you know what? You couldn't be more WRONG! WRONG, WRONG, WRONG! I've already accomplished more in a short time span than any wrestler has, or could have, EVER! An' I'm gonna further prove everyone wrong, when I become the face of the Revolutionary Wrestlin' Division, by winnin' the Contest of Conquest, an' become the World Heavyweight Champion! An' that "conquest" keeps on goin' when I beat that "Sioux-per Pooper" Alex Arren! Alex, you an' me, we couldn't be any different! Disregard the fact that I won my match last show an' you lost like a little chump! But I wanna take you down a road into my life, and it starts with THIS!"
(Ray turns around and walks over to the table, and picks up the copy of Final Fantasy 7, in near mint condition, no less.)
Ray Harlan: "Do you know what this is Arren? Doubtful, you've probably never even heard of a video game!"
Uncle Phil: "Loser! Get out less!"
Ray Harlan: "Thank you Uncle Phil. Now Alex, yer probably sayin' to yerself, "Oh please William Bekowsky, please stop slappin' me like the little bitch I am!" But what you should be sayin' to yerself is, "What the hell does Final Fantasy 7 have to do with anything!?" Well Alex, lemme let you in on a little secret. I was twenty six when Final Fantasy 7 came out, it was right after I dropped out of school fer not attending any classes. Every time I got home from workin' part time at the Toys R Us, I would go down to mah momma's basement, plug in the Playstation, and play the livin' hell outta this game! Now, why is this relevant? Because, I was able to beat this game, completely, without usin' any materia! Do you understand me Alex? I beat all of the weapons, Emerald, Diamond, Ruby, all of them, without any summons or magic! Do you know what that is Arren? That's called work ethic! That's called dedication! That's called drive! That's called determination; All of the things that YOU don't have!"
(Ray sets the copy of FF7 back onto the table, and reaches over to the 12X10 framed picture of himself, and puts it on display in front of the camera.)
Ray Harlan: "Now Alex, if you were listenin' before, you'd know that I work at a Toys R Us. You know how long I've been workin' there Alex? Since I was sixteen years young! Twenty seven years, damn near thirty years, once again! That's called loyalty Alex! Now granted, I've only worked there three days out of the week for twenty seven years, but I work three of the hardest days that anyone at that store has ever worked! An' you know what I get in return?"
(Ray rips the duct tape off of the bottom part of the frame. It reads "Part Time Employee of the Week: May 10 - 17 2004".)
Ray Harlan: "BOOM! I was named Part Time Employee of the Week of May Ten to Seventeen! How many times have you ever been recognized for yer work Alex? How many times have you ever been named Employee of the Week? Month? Year? Decade? I bet the answer is a big fat donut!"
Uncle Phil: "A donut ain't a number Ray."
Ray Harlan: "I know Uncle Phil, that's a way of sayin' zero. An' could you please stop interruptin' me? It's startin' to get a bit annoyin'."
Uncle Phil: "I'm sorry Ray, I'm just tryin' to pump you up."
Ray Harlan: "I don't need to be pumped up anymore than I already am Uncle Phil. Now, where was I? Right, Alex Arren. I guess I'll leave you with this; You can talk strategy backstage with yer master Will Bekowsky, you can talk about weak points, and what moves to use, whatever! You can attack mah solar plexus, mah diagram, use yer Sex Second Magic, I don't give a rat's ass! All you need to know, is that when you get into the ring with Ray freakin' Harlan, ain't no matter how much strategy you went over, it won't matter if you know any of mah weak points, it all don't mean crap when I wipe the floor with yer pasty white ass! Yer nothin' more but a bathroom break on my way to win the World Heavyweight Championship!"
(The camera fades into a shot of Ray Harlan and his uncle Phil, both in front of a red and black RWD backdrop. There is a circular wooden brown colored table of average length in front of Ray, and on the table is Ray's UWL TV Title, a copy of Final Fantasy 7, and a framed picture 12x10 of Ray in his Toys R Us uniform, with a big piece of black duct tape on the bottom part of the frame. Ray is wearing a black RWD promotional t-shirt, blue jeans and white sneakers, and Uncle Phil is wearing a white tank top, beige shorts, and brown sandals with white socks. Uncle Phil is sitting down at the table as Ray is standing behind the table, with a little grin on his face as he looks at the camera.)
Ray Harlan: "Well well well, how long is it until Sunday Night Combat? Four days? We're four days until the second installment of one of the best god damn wrestlin' shows in the world, Sunday Night Combat airs, and god damn do we have a great show! Don't we have a great damn show Uncle Phil!?
Uncle Phil: "Amazing ****ing show! I'm so damn pumped Ray Ray!"
Ray Harlan: "Me too! We got a stacked card from top to bottom, we got...uh...Francis Washing Machine goin' one on one against Christian Williams in the main event....an...uh...an' of course, you got everyone's favorite momma's boy, one of the best god damn wrestlers in the whole god damn business, the most god damn electricfyin' wrestler on the face of the planet, Ray Harlan, in what will of course be match of the night, goin' one on one against the Super Troop Alex Arren!"
Uncle Phil: "No Ray, it's 'Sioux-per Troop'."
Ray Harlan: "Right Uncle Phil, 'Super Troop'."
Uncle Phil: "No Ray, 'SIOUX-per Troop'."
Ray Harlan: "SUUUUUUUUUUUUU-per Troop!"
Uncle Phil: "No, yer not gettin' it Ray, SSSIIIIOOOOOUUUUXXXX-per Troop."
Ray Harlan: "Ah screw it, who gives a damn!? It ain't gonna matter when his brains 'er splattered all over the canvas after I give him a Bearhug so massive, I pop his head like a damn pimple! See, for those of you who barely know me, lemme let you in on a little secret; I haven't been wrestlin' fer very long! I haven't even been wrestlin' for three whole months! My wrestlin' debut was for this know defunct company SKYFIRE, July twenty second to be exact! An' in less than three months, I've accomplished more than anyone would've imagine I would! I'm already a champion in one fed, look at that title over on the table, cause that's mine! And it only took me three whole weeks to capture it! An' I'm already fightin' in a couple months for their top title! I'm here in the RWD, and I've already torn the god damn roof off of the buildin' when I destroyed that little twerp Dennis Driver!"
(Ray turns around and looks at his uncle.)
Ray Harlan: "Right Uncle Phil!? I tore the damn roof off!"
Uncle Phil: "Tore it off!? Ray, you blew the buildin' to smithereens! i ain't even seen so much electricity in one buildin' before!"
(Ray turns around to look back at the camera.)
Ray Harlan: "Yer god damn right! Couldn't say it better mahself! So ya see, you make look at me, an' you may see some mid forties has-been who still lives with his momma an' has no hobbies, interests or aspirations! An' you know what? You couldn't be more WRONG! WRONG, WRONG, WRONG! I've already accomplished more in a short time span than any wrestler has, or could have, EVER! An' I'm gonna further prove everyone wrong, when I become the face of the Revolutionary Wrestlin' Division, by winnin' the Contest of Conquest, an' become the World Heavyweight Champion! An' that "conquest" keeps on goin' when I beat that "Sioux-per Pooper" Alex Arren! Alex, you an' me, we couldn't be any different! Disregard the fact that I won my match last show an' you lost like a little chump! But I wanna take you down a road into my life, and it starts with THIS!"
(Ray turns around and walks over to the table, and picks up the copy of Final Fantasy 7, in near mint condition, no less.)
Ray Harlan: "Do you know what this is Arren? Doubtful, you've probably never even heard of a video game!"
Uncle Phil: "Loser! Get out less!"
Ray Harlan: "Thank you Uncle Phil. Now Alex, yer probably sayin' to yerself, "Oh please William Bekowsky, please stop slappin' me like the little bitch I am!" But what you should be sayin' to yerself is, "What the hell does Final Fantasy 7 have to do with anything!?" Well Alex, lemme let you in on a little secret. I was twenty six when Final Fantasy 7 came out, it was right after I dropped out of school fer not attending any classes. Every time I got home from workin' part time at the Toys R Us, I would go down to mah momma's basement, plug in the Playstation, and play the livin' hell outta this game! Now, why is this relevant? Because, I was able to beat this game, completely, without usin' any materia! Do you understand me Alex? I beat all of the weapons, Emerald, Diamond, Ruby, all of them, without any summons or magic! Do you know what that is Arren? That's called work ethic! That's called dedication! That's called drive! That's called determination; All of the things that YOU don't have!"
(Ray sets the copy of FF7 back onto the table, and reaches over to the 12X10 framed picture of himself, and puts it on display in front of the camera.)
Ray Harlan: "Now Alex, if you were listenin' before, you'd know that I work at a Toys R Us. You know how long I've been workin' there Alex? Since I was sixteen years young! Twenty seven years, damn near thirty years, once again! That's called loyalty Alex! Now granted, I've only worked there three days out of the week for twenty seven years, but I work three of the hardest days that anyone at that store has ever worked! An' you know what I get in return?"
(Ray rips the duct tape off of the bottom part of the frame. It reads "Part Time Employee of the Week: May 10 - 17 2004".)
Ray Harlan: "BOOM! I was named Part Time Employee of the Week of May Ten to Seventeen! How many times have you ever been recognized for yer work Alex? How many times have you ever been named Employee of the Week? Month? Year? Decade? I bet the answer is a big fat donut!"
Uncle Phil: "A donut ain't a number Ray."
Ray Harlan: "I know Uncle Phil, that's a way of sayin' zero. An' could you please stop interruptin' me? It's startin' to get a bit annoyin'."
Uncle Phil: "I'm sorry Ray, I'm just tryin' to pump you up."
Ray Harlan: "I don't need to be pumped up anymore than I already am Uncle Phil. Now, where was I? Right, Alex Arren. I guess I'll leave you with this; You can talk strategy backstage with yer master Will Bekowsky, you can talk about weak points, and what moves to use, whatever! You can attack mah solar plexus, mah diagram, use yer Sex Second Magic, I don't give a rat's ass! All you need to know, is that when you get into the ring with Ray freakin' Harlan, ain't no matter how much strategy you went over, it won't matter if you know any of mah weak points, it all don't mean crap when I wipe the floor with yer pasty white ass! Yer nothin' more but a bathroom break on my way to win the World Heavyweight Championship!"
FADE TO BLACK
so quickly so sad!
